My twenty-something kids often complain that ‘adulting’ is too hard and not fun, particularly when it comes down to filling in forms, setting up official things and taking responsibility. I haven’t the heart to tell them that it doesn’t really get much better and there are times when I don’t want to ‘adult’ either.
I have recently moved to France and have had to take on the processes of setting up a business, getting into the system with social security numbers and tax, starting the registration process for the car I brought with me and many more things besides. All these officialdoms are frustrating in any country but, having to tackle them all at the same time and in another language makes it harder. I’d like to say that I have taken it all in my stride, accepting that things take time and mistakes will need correcting, staying serene and confident, but that would be a lie. There has been lots of swearing!
It has really made me question my abilities at times, but now things are falling into place and I can start to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Self-doubt is a very human thing. If we never questioned whether there was a better way of doing things or felt that we had needed to learn new skills, then there would never be any improvements or progression.
No innovation.
No ideas.
No creativity.
It is normal to feel inadequate sometimes, to have doubts. Imposter syndrome is also common, where we think that we have only managed to achieve things through luck and not because of our abilities or hard work. It is important to recognise these things and not let them hold us back. That said, it is not enough to merely replace them with self-affirming mantras. Equally important is to understand when there are gaps in our knowledge and skills and do something about it.
There is nothing wrong with failing – by failing we learn something new.
There is nothing wrong with changing direction – to rigidly pursue a path when all evidence suggests it is not leading the right way will never reach the goal.
There is nothing wrong with admitting you need help, or indeed sharing ideas and accepting that there may be a better way of doing things.
All these points need us to have started on the road to achieve something. One way of guaranteeing failure is never to take that first step.
Ask yourself:
What do I really want to achieve? Your real goals in life, not based on a job title or the expectations of others. Imagine that endpoint.
When do I want to achieve this? Is your timescale realistic? Do you need to break it down into smaller, more easily achieved goals?
What are the barriers to success? If there are no real barriers then, what are you waiting for!? If there are, then what can you do to remove them? What can you do now? What will you have to do later?
Take those first steps – you’ve got this!
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